Reflections: The 5 M’s of Success and The Lost Art of Having Fun

Welcome to this edition of Reflections! As our days grow shorter and the air feels crisper, it’s the perfect time to reflect on our goals—both professional and personal—and consider whether we’re genuinely enjoying the journey. October invites us to move with a sense of purpose and renewed focus. Not just because of the cooler temperatures outside, but also because of the end-of-year timeline to accomplish the goals we set out to achieve at the beginning of the year.  This month, I’m exploring the keys to success and wondering if, in our relentless pursuit of goals, we’ve forgotten how to simply have fun. Let’s dive in!

What I am Reading.

I’m continuing my journey through “Unbreakable Valor” by Shaun Murphy. This month, I’m paying close attention to the chapter on the 5 M’s of Success, a framework that has been invaluable in shaping my thoughts on purpose, progress, and resilience. This simple but powerful framework consists of Mindset, Motivation, Massive Movement, Money, and Management. It’s a holistic approach to success that moves beyond simple ambition and into a more deliberate, actionable way of life.

Let’s break down each of the 5 M’s and why they’re so crucial:

  • Mindset: Before you can achieve anything, you must first believe it’s possible. Your mindset is the foundation of all your actions. It’s the belief that you can overcome challenges, learn from failures, and ultimately, succeed. Shaun’s story is a testament to how shifting your mindset from one of scarcity and limitation to one of possibility and purpose can literally change the trajectory of your life. This isn’t just about positive thinking; it’s about developing a core set of beliefs that empower you to take action, even when the odds seem stacked against you.
  • Motivation: Once the mindset is in place, you need the fuel to keep going. Motivation is that internal drive that pushes you forward, especially on the days when it feels like everything is an uphill battle. It’s about connecting your goals to a deeper purpose that holds meaning for you personally. Is your goal to provide a better life for your family? Is it to create something that helps others? Finding that internal “why” is what keeps you from giving up when things get tough.
  • Massive Movement: This is where the magic happens. All the mindset and motivation in the world are useless without action. Massive movement is about taking consistent, deliberate steps toward your goal. It’s not just about doing something, but about doing the right things with intensity and purpose. It’s the difference between thinking about going to the gym and actually showing up every day. It’s grit and perseverance that turn an idea into a reality.
  • Money: In our society, money is often a key component of success, as it provides the freedom and resources to pursue your goals without the constant stress of survival. However, as Shaun’s framework suggests, money is not the first or most important part of the equation—it’s a result of having the right mindset, motivation, and taking massive movement. This M is about understanding money as a tool to fuel your purpose, not as the purpose itself. It’s about building a financial foundation that supports your ideal life, rather than being controlled by financial worries.
  • Management: Finally, once you have momentum and money, you need the skills to manage it all effectively. This M is about managing your time, energy, resources, and relationships. It’s about building sustainable systems that allow you to maintain your success over the long term. This prevents burnout and ensures that the success you’ve worked so hard for doesn’t crumble due to poor planning or a lack of self-care.

Shaun Murphy’s 5 M’s provide a clear, practical roadmap for anyone looking to achieve their goals. It’s a framework that reminds us that success is built from the inside out and that a strong foundation in mindset and motivation is essential for creating lasting change. This is something that I’m continuing to explore as I discuss what Success looks like in our lives.

Something I Found Interesting

While reading about Shaun’s 5 M’s of Success, what I found most interesting is how interconnected they are. You can’t have one without the others. What he labels the 5 M’s of success aren’t steps to be completed in isolation; they are a continuous loop. For example, your mindset directly influences your motivation, which then fuels your massive movement. The money you earn is a result of that movement, and your ability to manage it all determines if your success is temporary or sustainable.

This framework really resonates with the idea that our biggest breakthroughs often come from a complete overhaul of our perspective, rather than just a new technique or a lucky break. It’s a reminder that true, lasting success isn’t about hacks or shortcuts. It’s about a deliberate, step-by-step commitment to becoming the person who can achieve their goals, which starts long before any visible progress is made.

The 5 M’s teach us that the real work is internal. It’s in the way we think, the way we push ourselves, and the way we handle the fruits of our labor. It’s a call to action that starts with self-reflection and a profound understanding of what we truly want and why.

What am I pondering?

Achievement isn’t everything. Just as big as the “Productivity” industry is the “Find Balance” industry. This continuous pursuit of goals and success, while vital, has led me to ponder something a little different this month. I’ve been thinking about how we no longer tend to do things just for the fun of it. Everything seems to have a goal or a purpose attached to it– A scheme; a way to make money; or advance our position– Do we do anything just for the fun of it?

When we pick up a book, it’s often to “learn a new skill”, or “discover a new secret.” When we go to the gym, it’s to hit a “fitness goal.” Our vacations are meticulously planned to “build memories” or “get the perfect photo for social media.” We’ve become so focused on optimizing every single moment that we’ve lost the simple pleasure of doing something just because we enjoy it. The fun of it, is no longer the purpose; it’s a byproduct, if it happens at all.

So, I’m pondering: Do we still know how to have fun? When was the last time you did something with no other goal than to experience joy? No expectation, no purpose, no desired outcome—just pure, unadulterated enjoyment. It’s something I want to revisit and something I encourage you to consider as well. Let’s make this the month we rediscover the art of play.

Money Tip I Recommend:

How to Create a Budget and Stick to It – This month, as we return to fun, let’s also revisit the basics and master the art of budgeting.

If things didn’t go the way you hoped they would this year, it may be time to revisit budgeting. A budget is simply a plan for how you’ll spend your money each month. It’s a powerful tool that helps you track your income and expenses, save money, and reach your financial goals. …And oh yeah, schedule in some time to have a little fun! The process doesn’t have to be complicated. The simplest method is often the best.

Here’s a quick guide to getting started, based on my blog post “How to Create a Budget and Stick to It“:

  • List Your Bills and Income: Begin by listing all of your monthly bills, debts, and expenses. Next, write down your total take-home income for the month.
  • Prioritize: Subtract each payment from your income until you have no money left. If you find that your bills exceed your income, you need to prioritize. Always cover your “Four Walls” first: shelter (rent/mortgage), transportation, utilities, and food.
  • Handle Your Debts: After covering the essentials, list your debts from smallest to largest and make the minimum payments on each. Apply any remaining money to the smallest debt, a strategy that helps build momentum and motivation.

As you build your budget, keep a few things in mind to make the process easier and more effective:

  • Don’t Try to Create the Perfect Budget: Your first budget won’t be perfect. Don’t let the pressure of getting it exactly right stop you from starting. The goal is progress, not perfection. You can adjust it as you go.
  • Budget for the Current Period Before the Period Begins: It’s a lot easier to stick to a plan when you’ve already made the decisions. Take an hour or two at the end of each month to budget for the next one. This provides a clear roadmap and helps prevent impulsive spending.
  • Build an Emergency Fund: My post suggests setting aside a small “baby emergency fund” of $500-$1000 in cash. Do this before you start tackling any of your larger debts. This is your first line of defense against unexpected expenses, keeping you from derailing your budget and incurring new debt.
  • Be Patient with Yourself: Learning to budget is a skill that takes time to master. Don’t get discouraged by setbacks. Acknowledge them, learn from them, and get back on track.

Creating a budget is an act of empowerment. It is not supposed to be limiting. It’s a way to take control of your financial life and align your spending with your values and goals. If you view budgeting as limiting, might I suggest revisiting the 5 M’s of success before you get started?

Let’s Talk!

What are your thoughts? Have you read Unbreakable Valor by Shaun Murphy? how do you view his 5 M’s of success? When was the last time you did something just for fun? share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you.

If you’re ready to take your financial goals seriously and build a solid plan, I’d be happy to help. Schedule a free coaching consultation with me today: https://calendar.app.google/oEyuikwjDLMoPxtf7

If you found this newsletter insightful, please share it with your friends and family! or better yet, tell them to subscribe.

Let’s spread the word about building a more intentional and fulfilling life.

Resources:

Unbreakable Valor by Shaun Murphy

How to Create a Budget and Stick to It (Blog Post: https://corey-stokes.com/2023/05/13/how-to-create-a-budget-and-stick-to-it/) 

Reflections: Unbreakable Spirit & The Power of Resilience

Welcome to the September edition of Reflections! This month, I’m diving deep into the concept of resilience – not just as a buzzword, but as a fundamental muscle we can all strengthen to navigate life’s inevitable challenges. The journey of overcoming adversity, transforming pain into purpose, and refusing to be defined by setbacks is a theme that resonates profoundly with me, particularly in light of my recent reading.

What Am I Reading?

I’m currently reading “Unbreakable Valor” by my high school friend, Shaun Murphy. When I heard Shaun, a man I’ve known since our formative years, had penned a book, I knew I had to pick it up. And I’m incredibly glad I did. Shaun shares his powerful and deeply personal story of rising from poverty and trauma to a life defined by resilience and purpose. Through raw honesty, hard-won wisdom, and profound spiritual insight, Shaun invites readers to fundamentally redefine their challenges—not as overwhelming burdens, but as potent fuel for becoming truly unbreakable.

With every page, you’ll discover how the same strength and tenacity that propelled him from the streets to remarkable success lives within you too. It’s a testament to the human spirit’s capacity for growth and transformation, even in the face of immense hardship. I highly recommend picking up your copy today. You can find it here: https://a.co/d/gd0jQ9Y

And on a side note, Shaun, Brother, I’d love to have you on the show. Let’s catch up!

Here are some key takeaways that resonated with me from “Unbreakable Valor”:

  • Redefining Challenges as Fuel: Shaun emphasizes a paradigm shift: instead of viewing obstacles and traumas as burdens that weigh us down, we can consciously choose to see them as the very energy that propels us forward. This reframing is crucial for transforming pain into power and purpose.
  • Resilience as a Life Skill Rooted in Action: The book demystifies resilience, presenting it not as an innate trait, but as a dynamic life skill that is cultivated through hope, grit, and consistent daily action. It’s about actively engaging with adversity rather than passively enduring it.
  • The Power of Self-Belief and Spirituality: Murph’s highlights how an unwavering belief in oneself, combined with spiritual insight, forms the bedrock of unshakable courage. This inner foundation allows individuals to face daunting circumstances with a sense of purpose and strength.
  • Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones: A central theme is the actionable process of transforming trauma into triumph and setbacks into opportunities for growth. Shaun provides practical steps and a “resilience toolkit” to help readers process pain, set healthy boundaries, build mental fortitude, and ultimately rewrite their own stories.

Something I’m Interested In: Building the Resilience Muscle

While reading Shaun’s book, his definition of resilience truly struck a chord: “Resiliency is like a muscle. The more we exercise it, the stronger and healthier it becomes.” This analogy is incredibly powerful because, like Shaun explains, I don’t believe we use this muscle nearly enough. More and more, it seems that as a society, we are finding it increasingly difficult to bounce back from adversity. The immediate gratification of our modern world often leaves us ill-equipped to handle the inevitable setbacks and emotional blows that life delivers.

Shaun Murphy’s “Unbreakable Valor” provides a clear roadmap for building this vital muscle. He emphasizes that resilience is not merely about enduring hardship, but about actively transforming it. It’s a proactive approach to life’s challenges, designed to help us not just survive, but thrive.

Here’s how Shaun Murphy says to build resiliency, and how doing so can profoundly improve your life:

  • Redefine Your Challenges: As mentioned, the first step is to shift your perspective. Instead of seeing a challenge as a burden, view it as an opportunity for growth. This mental reframing is the foundation of resilience. When you redefine a setback as fuel, you unlock its potential to propel you forward, rather than hold you back. This positive outlook helps you approach problems with a solution-oriented mindset, reducing stress and increasing your capacity to act.
  • Embrace Hope, Grit, and Daily Action: Resilience isn’t a passive state; it’s a dynamic process fueled by hope for a better future, the grit to persist through difficulty, and consistent daily actions. These small, deliberate steps, taken day after day, build momentum and reinforce your capacity to overcome. By focusing on daily actions, you break down overwhelming challenges into manageable tasks, making the journey less daunting and more achievable.
  • Turn Trauma into Triumph and Setbacks into Stepping Stones: Shaun teaches that difficult experiences, including trauma, can be leveraged for growth. This involves processing pain, learning from it, and consciously using those lessons to become stronger. This transformative process allows you to extract valuable insights from your hardest moments, turning what could be debilitating experiences into sources of profound personal power and wisdom.
  • Utilize a “Resilience Toolkit”: Murphy provides practical strategies to help readers develop their resilience. This includes learning to process pain effectively, setting healthy boundaries to protect your energy and well-being, actively building grit through consistent effort, and nurturing lasting mental strength. These tools equip you with the practical skills needed to navigate emotional and psychological challenges, preventing them from overwhelming you.
  • Cultivate Faith and Inner Power: A strong spiritual foundation and an unwavering belief in your own capabilities are presented as crucial elements for unshakable courage. This inner strength provides a deep well of fortitude to draw upon when external circumstances are challenging. Connecting with your inner power and beliefs gives you a sense of purpose and direction, even when the path ahead is unclear.

By intentionally engaging in these practices, you don’t just “bounce back” from adversity; you “bounce forward,” becoming stronger, wiser, and more capable than before. This improved capacity to handle life’s ups and downs translates into greater peace of mind, more effective problem-solving, and a deeper sense of fulfillment.

What I’m Pondering: Resilience in the Face of Trauma

As I’ve been recording episodes for my podcast, “Catching Up with Corey” (and I’m thrilled to say the second episode was published on August 26th!), I’ve had numerous conversations where guests bravely discussed traumatic events they’ve had to overcome or fight through. Listening to their stories has profoundly reinforced my belief in the absolute necessity of building resilience, especially when navigating the depths of trauma.

When we experience trauma, whether it’s a sudden loss, a significant betrayal, or prolonged hardship, it can feel as though our world has shattered. The emotional and psychological impact can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of helplessness, despair, and a profound sense of brokenness. In these moments, resilience isn’t just a desirable trait; it’s a lifeline.

Being resilient is crucial because it provides the internal framework to:

  • Process and Integrate Pain: Resilience doesn’t mean ignoring or suppressing pain. Instead, it equips us to acknowledge and process traumatic experiences in a healthy way, allowing us to eventually integrate them into our life narrative without being consumed by them. It’s about finding a way to carry the experience without letting it define our entire existence.
  • Maintain Hope Amidst Despair: Trauma can strip away hope, making a better future seem impossible. Resilience helps us cling to the possibility of healing and growth, even when the present feels unbearable. It’s the inner voice that whispers, “This too shall pass,” and reminds us that light can follow darkness.
  • Rebuild and Re-engage with Life: After trauma, there’s often a natural inclination to withdraw. Resilience provides the courage to re-engage with the world, to rebuild shattered aspects of our lives, and to find new purpose. It’s the force that allows us to take those difficult “next steps” towards healing and recovery.
  • Prevent Long-Term Negative Impacts: Without resilience, trauma can lead to prolonged mental health struggles, destructive coping mechanisms, and a diminished quality of life. By actively building resilience, we create a buffer against these long-term negative impacts, fostering post-traumatic growth.

Listening to my podcast guests share their journeys of resilience has been incredibly inspiring. Their stories are powerful testaments to the human spirit’s capacity to truly thrive after adversity.

You can listen to each conversation on my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@coreystokes5085 or here at Corey-Stokes.com

Money Tip I Recommend: You Are Not Your Mistakes

In a previous edition, I emphasized that “you’ll encounter challenges on your financial journey” and that we need to stay resilient and keep pushing forward. This month, I want to build on that by reminding you of a crucial truth: you are not your mistakes.

Inevitably, we will make mistakes on our financial journeys. Perhaps you overspent on a discretionary item, missed a bill, or made an investment decision that didn’t pan out. These moments can be disheartening, even paralyzing. But it is not the mistakes themselves that define us; it is our response after we’ve made the mistake that truly tells us who we are and shapes the outcome of our life’s work. We need to intentionally use the mistakes we make in life, as Shaun Murphy says in “Unbreakable Valor,” “as stepping stones to become stronger, and more resilient.”

Here are three tips for not letting financial mistakes keep you from succeeding:

  1. Reflect, Acknowledge, and Document: When you make a financial mistake, don’t bury your head in the sand. Take time to calmly reflect on what happened. Acknowledge the mistake without judgment or excessive self-blame. Then, document it. Write down exactly what occurred, what factors contributed to it, and what you could have done differently to prevent it. This objective analysis is the first step toward learning.
  2. Put Learnings into Practice Intentionally: Learning from a mistake isn’t just about knowing what went wrong; it’s about actively applying that knowledge. Don’t just react to the mistake; intentionally set out to move past it by implementing new strategies or adjusting your habits. If you overspent on dining out, for example, intentionally plan your meals for the next week and track your food budget more closely. This proactive approach turns a negative event into a positive catalyst for change.
  3. Cultivate Self-Compassion and Forward Momentum: Shaun Murphy’s journey in “Unbreakable Valor” is a powerful reminder that resilience involves self-compassion. You wouldn’t condemn a friend for a mistake; extend that same grace to yourself. Forgive yourself, learn the lesson, and then consciously shift your focus to forward momentum. Don’t dwell on the past; instead, channel your energy into the next right action. This mindset prevents a single misstep from derailing your entire financial journey, allowing you to build that “resilience muscle” and continue pushing towards your goals.

Your financial journey is a marathon, not a sprint, filled with ups and downs. Embrace your mistakes as valuable lessons, apply what you learn, and keep moving forward with an unbreakable spirit.

Let’s Talk!

What are your thoughts on building resilience? Have you read “Unbreakable Valor,” and if so, what were your key takeaways? How do you practice self-compassion when you make financial mistakes? Share your insights and experiences in the comments below – let’s keep the conversation going!

Ready to build your financial resilience and transform your challenges into stepping stones? Schedule a free coaching consultation with me today: https://calendar.app.google/oEyuikwjDLMoPxtf7

If you found this newsletter insightful, please share it with your friends and family! Let’s spread the word about building a more intentional and fulfilling life.

Resources:

Financial Fitness Friday: Bouncing Back in Your Wallet and Your Workouts

written by Corey L. Stokes

Let’s talk about resilience. We often reserve the word for significant life events, for bouncing back from trauma or tragedy. But what about the small stuff? The everyday setbacks that throw you off your game and threaten to derail your progress? That’s where resilience truly builds its muscle.

According to the dictionary, resilience is “recovering rapidly from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyant.” For our purposes, let’s simplify it: resilience is your ability to bounce back quickly from a setback.

Think about those perfect streaks you’ve had. You’re hitting the gym every day, your budget is on point, and you’re feeling great. Then, a minor crisis hits. The car won’t start, the kids have an unexpected expense, or a project at work throws your whole schedule off. Suddenly, that setback becomes an excuse to stop completely. You start wallowing in it, and all the progress you’ve made starts to crumble.

This is precisely when your resilience muscle needs to kick in. You don’t have to rise to every single occasion, but you can rely on your training to fall back into a healthy habit. By consistently training your mind and body to be resilient, you’re better able to manage stress and tackle challenging tasks.

It’s no different with our finances. Financial setbacks are inevitable. The key is whether they derail your progress or if you can recover quickly.

Micheline and I recently planned several trips this year. Everything was scheduled for May, June, July, and September. Even though we knew these events were on the calendar, we experienced a minor setback when we realized how tightly packed they were. We were double-booked on one weekend and had to cancel an entire trip. A few years ago, this would have devastated us financially and mentally. But because we’ve practiced our financial resilience skills for over a decade, we were able to quickly re-evaluate our plans, adjust our budget, and move forward without letting it derail our other goals.

Resilience in both our physical and financial lives isn’t about avoiding setbacks—that’s impossible. It’s about how quickly we can get back on track after they happen. Just as a consistent fitness routine strengthens your body to handle a missed workout, building consistent financial habits reinforces your ability to handle an unexpected expense.

How do you build your resilience muscle? Drawing inspiration from (Mister Motivation) Shaun Murphy’s “Unbreakable Valor,” here’s how we can train ourselves to bounce back stronger.

  • Train Consistently: Stick to your routines, even on days you don’t feel like it. Small, consistent efforts—like saving a few dollars every day or going for a short walk—build the endurance you need for bigger challenges.
  • Acknowledge the Setback Without Self-Blame: You had a bad spending week or missed a few workouts. Acknowledge what happened, but don’t let it define you. As Shaun’s story shows, your past mistakes are not your identity.
  • Put Learnings into Practice: After a setback, reflect on what went wrong and use that as a stepping stone. Did an unexpected bill throw off your budget? Now you know to plan for a larger “miscellaneous” fund. This turns a negative event into a lesson that strengthens your financial plan.
  • Find Your Tribe: The boys in “The Body” relied on each other for support. Shaun’s journey also highlights the power of finding a community that lifts you up. Surround yourself with people who encourage your goals and can help you navigate challenging times.

The more you train, the better equipped you are to handle anything life throws your way, both in the gym and in your bank account.

Stay physically and financially fit.