I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about two things: purpose and the power of connection.
Young men today are dealing with a world that feels increasingly lonely and unpredictable. I see it in my own house, and I recently listened to the Oprah podcast featuring Scott Galloway, in which they addressed the alarming truth that many young men are feeling lost and isolated, and that anger is often the only acceptable emotion they can express publicly. Galloway’s analysis focused on the crisis of loneliness, the struggle for economic viability, and the critical void of positive male role models. In my life, my mission is to showcase not just that positive male figure but that positive BLACK MALE FIGURE.
This robust, necessary conversation hits close to home, reminding me of my own journey—from growing up in Brooklyn to navigating the military and feeling lost searching for my own purpose.
The urgency of this crisis has led me to conversations with men who are living examples of a better path. I am incredibly excited about my upcoming episode with my high school classmate, Shaun Murphy, also known as Mister Motivation, the Global Book Award-winning author of Unbreakable Valor. Shaun, like me, is not a stranger to this struggle. He saw the same lack of direction and confidence in men and decided to create a blueprint for a D.I.Y. life.
For every young man struggling with where to go next or how to get started, this blueprint, which is now being reinforced by the wisdom of others, offers a new code built on three key principles: Clarity of Vision, Service-Minded Mastery, and Relentless Action.
The Three Voices of a New Code
The wisdom in this new code comes from three powerful sources: Scott Galloway (identifying the problem), Shaun Murphy (the blueprint), and my recent, profound conversation with my friend Nick Hewitt (the application and emotional wisdom).
1. Define Your Fears, Not Your Goals (The Power of Clarity)
Scott Galloway noted that a huge hurdle for young men is the fear of rejection, which keeps them from taking necessary risks. Shaun’s first central principle directly addresses this inaction.
In my upcoming conversation with Shaun, he challenged me to stop defining my goals and instead define my fears and calculate the cost of inaction. What is the price you will pay in 5 or 10 years if you don’t pursue that degree, launch that business, or ask for that opportunity? Procrastination is just fear in disguise. By identifying the real, tangible cost of standing still, you build the Courage and Clarity necessary to overcome discomfort. As Shaun says, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”
2. Chase Mastery and Service, Not Capital
The Oprah podcast discussion highlighted the economic struggles and the importance of being an “economically viable” man in society. Shaun has a powerful, counterintuitive take on this: Stop chasing money. Instead, chase mastery and purpose.
Shaun broke down the “Money” M of his Five M’s of Success by stating that the true secret to wealth is giving. When you lead with giving, give your best work, your time, and your kindness. Success will return to you tenfold. This ties perfectly into Scott Galloway’s advice: kindness is a secret weapon and a key attribute of true, protective masculinity.
My recent conversation with Nick Hewitt demonstrated this principle beautifully. Nick explained that his purpose-driven work—helping people in civil service—found new meaning when he realized it aligned with his “love language” of service. For Nick, true success means knowing you have put your best effort into something, regardless of the outcome, because the real win is the lesson and experience gained along the way. When you focus on mastering a skill and serving others, the capital will follow.
3. Embrace the Hazing with Massive Movement and Grace
Galloway stressed that the ability to endure rejection is the true superpower and that “No is the path to wonderful yeses.”
Shaun calls the struggle, all of the No’s, a necessary “hazing” that sharpens your “sword” and prepares you to lead. When you face setbacks—a lost job, a failed relationship, or debt—the natural inclination is to scale back your vision. Shaun’s call to Massive Movement is the antidote: Don’t shrink your goal, increase your action. Apply the 4 C’s—Commence, Commit, Be Consistent, and Complete—and operate at a 10x effort level until you’ve punched through the wall.
This intense effort must be supported by self-compassion. As Nick Hewitt pointed out, this kind of relentless action requires two crucial habits: consistency and patience. Most importantly, it requires grace. We need to give ourselves grace, allowing room for mistakes and learning from our “screw-ups” without beating ourselves up. This shift in mindset, from focusing on the outcome to valuing the lessons learned, provides the emotional grace needed to sustain Massive Movement.
This internal work also highlights the need for safe spaces for men to be vulnerable, let things out, and not be judged as weak.
The code for an unbreakable life isn’t a secret formula; it’s a commitment to this internal work, being vulnerable enough to admit you’re lost, courageous enough to define your fears, and kind enough to lead with purpose. What is presented is a blueprint for taking extreme ownership of your life and moving from feeling like a victim of circumstances to becoming its architect.
This is the Massive Movement that Shaun Murphy stresses in the Five M’s of Success, freeing us from the mental constraints that prevent us from simply having fun—a theme I’ve been exploring. When we master these principles, intelligent automation enhances our freedom, rather than dictates our purpose.
To dive deeper into the blueprint for this mindset shift and the connection between personal growth and professional achievement, keep an eye out: my full, in-depth episode with Shaun Murphy, Mister Motivation, will be available soon.
The referenced conversation with Nick Hewitt: EP 04: | Catching Up With Nick
Why Young Men are Struggling Now with Oprah and Scott Galloway: https://youtu.be/E5l6sWqVpuw?si=GIhS2frXSSPEXe5r
Extreme Ownership by Jakko Wilkins andLeif Babin: https://a.co/d/dzHGXy3
Corey Stokes 