It’s Friday!

Friday is probably the most loved day of the week.  It’s the start of the weekend, The end of the work week (for those that don’t work on the weekends). Historically the day that many choose to unwind after a long week of work.  It is also the day that most couples choose as date night.  Flower, movie, and restaurant sales all rise on Friday night.  Dance clubs are full, and Bars and grills are all welcoming to people looking to simply relax and unwind.  For me however, Friday means something else.

Ever since my daughter was a baby,  Friday night has been our night. Then when my son was born, we brought him into the fold.  From the time they stopped Screaming bloody murder as soon as mom walked out the door,  until today Friday has been reserved for my children and me (occasionally we let my wife join the fun).  Today, the tradition of Friday night is more than just another day to unwind It is a time reserved for a date night for the entire family.

family fun

Since most of the week is spent, running too and fro; getting to den meetings, soccer and volleyball practices, and the like,  time spent in each others company, is severely limited or hindered to say the least.  It is only makes sense that the end of the week is spent, playing with the kids,  building Lego’s, watching movies, or even having a dance off with their dancing game on the Wii. Last week we spent the evening having a breakfast cook-off (Move over Waffle House, here come the Stokes Kids).

When we think about date night we tend to focus on the relationships between couples.  Although that relationship is highly important and while I agree that couples need to enjoy that time alone; the same holds true for the entire family.  Family’s also need to take a moment to date each other as well.  Early on in our marriage, we discussed having days that we will date our kids, swapping occasionally so both children will get time to alone with both of us.  As they are now old enough to enjoy such outing, I look forward to enjoying this great way to talk, and stay engaged in the lives of your children.

Building these types of traditions however, is not only reserved from Friday nights.

Dinner time is another great time to date your family and to stay connected.  After asking my wife how her day went during several dinners,  It didn’t take long for our children to catch on and say, “Daddy don’t you want to know about my day”  and thus started another tradition that kept our family engaged!

Our time is and our attention is often scattered in many directions.  All too often, it is not focused on what matters most.  Many people have referenced the saying ,On their death beds, no one wishes they wish they spent more time at work.   It’s Friday, spend the time now with the ones that count!

Question! What is one thing you enjoy/enjoyed (parents with children who are out of the house can answer too) doing with your children?

Books

Boys should be boys! by Dr. Meg Meker

Strong Fathers Strong Daughters by Dr. Meg Meker

Should Children Receive an Allowance?

Here is a debate that I’ve been following for some time now that has many arguing their points. There seems to be two points to the argument:

No. If you give you children an allowance, they never learn about money and how to it works. If you simply give them something they have not earned they do not learn the good work habits to succeed in the real world. In essence, you are teaching your children that they have a since of entitlement to your money.  Making them work teaches them that in life they will have to work to earn money.

Yes. You should give your child an allowance because it is your responsibility to take care of them and provide their wants and needs.  You should let your children be children, there is plenty of time in life for them to work and earn money.

Regardless of which side of the equation you are on I feel the argument is irrelevant.  What is more important is the lessons you are teaching your children in the process.  Yes you should provide your child with a childhood, their wants needs and desires, but as a parent you also have the responsibility to teach your child how to be an able body in society as well.

When my wife and I first started the “Stokes Compensation plan”, we asked ourselves the same question.  We decided that there we were going to devise a mix of the two.  There are some behaviors and work ethics that needed to be compensated, yet there were some that we wanted them to know they should do regardless compensation. Here is the solution that we came up with.

To teach our children to be an able body in society, there are certain jobs that need to be done;  such as keeping your area clean, taking care of your responsibly, and helping your neighbor.  These chores on a household level are jobs that do not receive compensation.  But there are also chores that the kids would not necessarily do; these are the jobs that deserve compensation.  If our children completed a job that mom or dad would be responsible for, they would receive a “COMMISSION”.  But I don’t think the focus should be on whether or not they get an allowance or commission.  The focus should be on teaching your child how to budget and manage the money they do receive.

Recently, my son was asked to create and budget.  Here is what he came up with.

Nolan's budget
Weekly Budget

We told him, since it was our job to ensure he is fed, his lunch will be an allowance. He, however, had to ensure the money we gave him it last all week.  If he needed more money he had to earn it from his job (We provided a list of jobs he could do to earn extra money).

Since we have started, he has come to me every day to ask “am I on track with my budget?”  Eventually we will have a talk about investing. But that is a lesson for another day!

 

Don’t consolidate your debt, eradicate it!

My opinion may be a bit bias and jaded when it comes to debt,  but my opinion and experience is why I can tell you that debt consolidation is a bad idea. It will not work! Not if your goal is to get and stay out of debt.

Early on, the debt consolidation that I attempted, made a promise to get me out of debt. On a positive note,  I will say  that it did get me out of debt, by helping manage my plethora of payments.  The accounts closed so I could not used them However, the program  did not keep me out of debt. Within shortly after of finishing the program,  I was back over my head in debt. this is because this program did not chance the way I saw debt.  It was merely a means to have available funds to spend on my remaining credit cards! There Lies the problem with debt consolidation!  It only addresses the symptoms and not the main issues surrounding accumulating debt.  Succeeding with money, is all about behavior.  Debt Consolidation programs do not address changing  your behavior with money.

The second time I attempted to get out of debt (Yes, I have become debt free twice!) I managed to make it stick! And I did it by changing the way I thought about money, and also by changing my behaviors in dealing with money.

Family’s have created some bad money behaviors such as using Adhering to the to buy now and pay later concept, borrowing money to supplement a standard of living and having little to no cash savings or emergency find in place.  In the beginning, Although it was difficult, here are a few things I had to learn:

  • Start savingdebt relief
  • Stop borrowing money
  • Build a cash buffer
  • Live within your means
  • Pay cash

Question:

Changing a behavior is one of the hardest things that many people ever do. What behavior have you tried to change and how did you do it?

I’d love to hear from you, Please leave a comment or answer the question on my Facebook or Twitter pages.   You can see my response there as well.  I look forward to reading your responses.