If you’ve noticed, there have been a couple of episodes of Catching up with Corey where I’m talking to someone, and there’s been a significant gap in our communication. Yet I still introduce them as close or good friends. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, let’s catch up!) A quiet crisis is unfolding in the living rooms and workspaces of America. We are living through what Scott Galloway calls a “friendship recession,” and men are the ones being left out in the cold.
The data is startling: in 1990, only 3% of men reported having zero close friends; today, that number has jumped fivefold to 15% (or 1 in 7 men). Furthermore, the percentage of men who can count on a core group of at least six close friends has been cut in half, dropping from 55% to just 27%.
In his book Notes on Being a Man, Galloway warns that without the “guideposts of a relationship, a man really comes off the tracks”. We’ve traded “hugs and high fives,” as Vincent Calahan describes in our conversation, for digital handshakes, and in the process, we’ve lost the physical and emotional affirmation that keeps us grounded. This is something I’ve not only seen in my life, but I’ve also started to notice in the lives of my kids and in other areas as well.
The Love Language of Service: Lessons from Nick
In my recent conversation with Nick Hewitt, someone I’ve known and considered a friend for over 20 years but only recently began fostering a deeper connection, we explored how this isolation breaks down when we shift our focus toward others. Nick shared that his work in civil service took on a completely new meaning when he realized it aligned with his “love language of service.” For Nick, true success isn’t about the specific outcome, but the consistency of success, putting your best effort into something for the benefit of someone else.
Building a friendship is, in many ways, an act of service. It requires what Galloway calls “surplus value”, the willingness to provide more than you consume in a relationship and to “go first” in sharing personal feelings to encourage a deeper connection. It is a connection that, as adults, we seem to lack in our close relationships.
Massive Movement: The Shaun Murphy Approach
When we talk about the “friendship recession,” it’s easy to feel like a victim of circumstance. But as Shaun Murphy emphasizes in his book Unbreakable Valor, and as we discussed during our conversation, we have to switch from a victim mentality to one of “extreme ownership.” Shaun’s framework of the 5 M’s of Success, specifically Massive Movement, reminds us: “Don’t shrink your goal, increase your action.”
If your goal is to have deeper connections, you cannot wait for them to happen organically. Research suggests it takes roughly 200 hours of quality time to forge a close friendship. It’s an investment of time that requires active pursuit. Similarly, in my own Core 5 Framework, I’ve integrated this idea of ‘Movement’ as one of my five essential pillars—but I’ve anchored it in consistency. It’s about following through and not seeing failure as the end-all, but seeing it as motivation to stay in the game. When Shaun talks about action and movement, it is not just about physical fitness; it’s about the active pursuit of community. And when I speak about consistency, it’s about taking the right action repeatedly. Unbreakable Valor challenges us to “define our fears, not just our goals.” Perhaps our biggest fear isn’t being alone, but the vulnerability required to not be.
The 10-Year Gap: A Wake-Up Call with Vincent
“I need High-fives and Hugs!”
That’s what my good friend Vincent Calahan said in our recent conversation. This episode was a gut-punch of a reminder. From our meeting at Dover Air Force Base in 2001 until now, we realized it had been over ten years since we had a real conversation. But amidst the cating up, we discussed Vincent’s vision for his podcast, Holy Forge, to create a space for men to be godly, vulnerable, and “emotionally mature, ” something that Nick and I discussed during my conversation with him.
The Flight Plan Forward
As part of my daily reflection and goal planning for 2026 in my Moleskine, I am prioritizing these “guideposts.” Whether it’s through the lens of Galloway’s “surplus value,” Shaun’s “Massive Movement,” or Vincent’s “Holy Forge” vulnerability, the message is clear: Only connect.
Friendship is a muscle that strengthens with use. Here are three ways to “touch grass” and rebuild those bonds this week:
- Friendship Cold-Calling: Send a text to an old friend right now just to say, “I was thinking about you.”
- Go First: Don’t wait for them to share; lead with vulnerability.
- Physical Presence: Move past the “digital handshake” and schedule a face-to-face meet-up… show up.
Don’t let the tracks run out before you realize you’re traveling alone.
Vincent told me, “Humanity is community-based… I need those hugs and high fives”. We need people. We need eachother. He redefines success as being the truest version of himself and making a positive impact on others. His parting words to me are the ones I want to leave with you: “Let’s not let another ten years go by”.
Resources
Books & Podcasts (The Foundation)
- Notes on Being a Man by Scott Galloway – The source of the “Friendship Recession” data and the concept of “Surplus Value.” Get it here
- Unbreakable Valor by Shaun Murphy – The source of the “5 M’s of Success” and the “Extreme Ownership” mindset. Get it here
- The AI Republic by Terence Mauri (mentioned in your newsletter notes) – This is the book you’ve been reading regarding the “Fourth Industrial Revolution” and how technology should enhance human experience. Get it here
- Holy Forge Podcast with Vincent Callahan – A space dedicated to male vulnerability and emotional maturity. Listen here
Personal Frameworks & Tools (The Strategy)
- The Core 5 Framework / Core5 Flight Plan – my personal success framework (Clarity, Courage, Consistency, Capital, and Control ). Read about it
Other
Corey Stokes 
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