Recently, I was given some information that shattered my world. For a while, I was in a dark place, navigating a kind of mental devastation that felt impossible to process. In the quiet moments of that aftermath, I realized something chilling: I had nowhere to go, no one to call, and no established way to deal with the wreckage.
I don’t bring this up to share the news itself, that remains private. I bring it up to highlight a concept Scott Galloway often discusses regarding the modern male experience. While I consistently work at building relationships and networking, I realized there are very few people in my life with whom the bond is deep enough that I could call them at 2:00 AM if I were suddenly put out of my house.
It is a sobering realization to look at a contact list full of “colleagues” and “acquaintances” and find a void where “brothers” should be.
Crucially, this focus on male friendship doesn’t exist in a vacuum, nor does it stand in opposition to the progress of women. In fact, strengthening the emotional infrastructure of men is a vital component of a healthy society for everyone. In his book Adrift, Galloway makes this point clearly: “The increase in opportunities for women (and for people of color) is an important step forward. There is no justification for reversing these hard-fought wins.” The goal isn’t to pull others down to help men catch up; it’s about understanding that women generally want and deserve strong, emotionally grounded men in their lives. While women may want that stability in their partners and peers, I would argue that men need it for their own survival.
In our current era, what some call the Fourth Industrial Revolution, we are more connected by technology than ever before. We can sync our entire lives to a digital calendar in seconds. But that same efficiency can mask a growing isolation. We’ve automated our schedules, but we haven’t found a way to automate the grit and time required to build a friendship that can withstand a life-altering phone call in the middle of the night.
I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about the specific need for male friendships. There is a unique kind of strength found in the company of men who understand the weight of responsibility and the specific pressures we face. These friendships offer more than just social distraction; they provide a mirror. They offer a space where growth, not just in business, but in character, is witnessed and encouraged.
When those bonds exist, they act as a safety net for the mind. There is a documented benefit to having a circle that doesn’t require you to “perform” or “manage” your image. It’s about the peace that comes from knowing you aren’t an island. Yet, for many of us, the focus has shifted so heavily toward goals and “getting things done” that we’ve let the foundational joy of simple, deep companionship slide to the periphery.
This experience didn’t leave me with a list of tips or a “five-step plan.” I’m not an expert, and I’m not in a position to give advice. I am simply a man who looked at his phone during a crisis and realized the difference between a full inbox and a true lifeline.
Standing in that dark place taught me that while technology can enhance our lives, it cannot hold us up when our world collapses. Only people can do that. And for men, finding a way back to that kind of raw, reliable connection isn’t just a “nice to have”, it might be the only thing that matters when the clock hits 2:00 AM and the ground has just crumbled beneath you.
Corey Stokes 