written by Corey Stokes
When it comes to success, there truly is no one-size-fits-all road map to get there. For one thing, we are all chasing success differently. Meaning we do not all have the same dreams and desires. So the tools that we use to chase our versions of success is one thing that helps us to define it. One thing, however, is for certain: We all want to be thought of as a success.
I wish that I could give a simple 3-step process on what it means to be successful. But that would be based on what success means to me. That is why you will hear some gurus tell their listeners, “This is what works for me,” stopping short, but leaving it to your imagination for you to surmise that you must find what works for you.
The word success is a loaded term. And we all look at it as a destination. But the truth is, success is not someplace to get to. Success is what you achieve on your way towards reaching a place or a goal. Here is what I mean: Many chase the status of a millionaire to achieve their version of success. But there are plenty of millionaires who are striving to feel successful. They accomplish one goal, but their drive to succeed keeps them searching.
In his book, Will Smith said he thought he was a failure. As we see him today—actor, rap mogul, entrepreneur—Will Smith stands as a role model that many people are trying to emulate. Sure, there are areas that he has not shone as well as others, but there are very few people who would put the word “failure” and associate it with Will.
So, instead of looking for a roadmap or a specific person to try to recreate their success, what we need is a framework. Something that can not only help us define success but also show us what actions we need to take to live it. In truth, success is not where you end up. As Marcos Vazquez, author of the book Invincible, said: It’s the person you become while trying to achieve it.
I absolutely love Earl Nightingale’s definition of success. He says that success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. While he goes on to explain the definition further, let me tell you what it means to me: If you have a desire to see something come to fruition, and you are working at it as if it were your life’s mission, you are on your way to becoming a success. As you work on and in that mission, you become a success.
Too many of us, however, lose focus on the real prize. Because we don’t see the results that someone else on the same track receives, we say we are not succeeding. If our results do not match our expectations, we say we have failed. When in actuality, our path simply gave us a lesson to learn.
For me, navigating those lessons and keeping myself on track has required me to look inward. I realized that if there wasn’t a universal roadmap, I had to develop my own set of internal coordinates. I started asking myself: Am I operating with Clarity about my own “worthy ideal,” or am I chasing someone else’s? Do I have the Courage to do it scared, even when the results are invisible?
I’ve had to learn that success is found in the consistency of showing up every day with the action-oriented habits that build momentum over time. And that it’s about the capital I’ve invested—not just in bank accounts, but in the deep relationships and the positive impressions of those who hold me accountable. And finally, it’s about control—taking the yoke of my own life and directing my time, my money, and my energy, instead of being a passenger to my circumstances.
When I look back at Will Smith’s admission that he felt like a failure, it makes sense now. From the outside, we saw the trophies, the movies, the music, the status. But success isn’t a museum where you hang your awards; it is the daily work of managing your life from the inside out. How we look at failure is dramatically wrong. If Will didn’t experience the one instance that caused this feeling, would he have the drive that helped him create the success he has today?
That is the hidden truth about this journey. You can be a millionaire and feel like a failure if you lack control over your own peace. You can be at the top of your field and feel lost if you lose clarity regarding your own “worthy ideal.” I’ve realized that I am successful not because I’ve reached a final peak, but because I’ve committed to the process. By focusing on what I call the Core 5 Framework (Clarity, Courage, Consistency, Capital, and Control), I’ve started looking at the tools in my own hands that can help me become someone that can say I am successful. These five pillars are how I measure my progress, regardless of what the rest of the world sees.
As Will Smith wrote in his memoir, “Living someone else’s dream is a special kind of hell.” Stop chasing their roadmap. Start mastering your own tools. If you are still moving forward, still learning, and still growing into the person you want to be, you are already a success.
The Core 5 Success Audit
Before you close this tab, take sixty seconds to check your own instruments. Success isn’t about the trophies on your wall; it’s about the person you are becoming today. Ask yourself:
- Clarity: Am I working toward my own “worthy ideal,” or am I exhausted from chasing someone else’s dream?
- Courage: What is one “audacious chance” I’ve been avoiding that I need to take—even if I have to do it scared?
- Consistency: Am I showing up with action-oriented habits today, or am I waiting for “the right time” to start?
- Capital: Who are the 2:00 AM friends I am investing in right now? Do I have the support system I need for this mission?
- Control: Am I a passenger to my circumstances, or am I taking the yoke and directing my time and energy toward my goals?
If you don’t like your answers, don’t panic. You aren’t failing—you just found the lesson you need to learn to keep your momentum.
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Corey Stokes 
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