Welcome to the September edition of Reflections! This month, I’m diving deep into the concept of resilience – not just as a buzzword, but as a fundamental muscle we can all strengthen to navigate life’s inevitable challenges. The journey of overcoming adversity, transforming pain into purpose, and refusing to be defined by setbacks is a theme that resonates profoundly with me, particularly in light of my recent reading.
What Am I Reading?
I’m currently reading “Unbreakable Valor” by my high school friend, Shaun Murphy. When I heard Shaun, a man I’ve known since our formative years, had penned a book, I knew I had to pick it up. And I’m incredibly glad I did. Shaun shares his powerful and deeply personal story of rising from poverty and trauma to a life defined by resilience and purpose. Through raw honesty, hard-won wisdom, and profound spiritual insight, Shaun invites readers to fundamentally redefine their challenges—not as overwhelming burdens, but as potent fuel for becoming truly unbreakable.
With every page, you’ll discover how the same strength and tenacity that propelled him from the streets to remarkable success lives within you too. It’s a testament to the human spirit’s capacity for growth and transformation, even in the face of immense hardship. I highly recommend picking up your copy today. You can find it here: https://a.co/d/gd0jQ9Y
And on a side note, Shaun, Brother, I’d love to have you on the show. Let’s catch up!
Here are some key takeaways that resonated with me from “Unbreakable Valor”:
- Redefining Challenges as Fuel: Shaun emphasizes a paradigm shift: instead of viewing obstacles and traumas as burdens that weigh us down, we can consciously choose to see them as the very energy that propels us forward. This reframing is crucial for transforming pain into power and purpose.
- Resilience as a Life Skill Rooted in Action: The book demystifies resilience, presenting it not as an innate trait, but as a dynamic life skill that is cultivated through hope, grit, and consistent daily action. It’s about actively engaging with adversity rather than passively enduring it.
- The Power of Self-Belief and Spirituality: Murph’s highlights how an unwavering belief in oneself, combined with spiritual insight, forms the bedrock of unshakable courage. This inner foundation allows individuals to face daunting circumstances with a sense of purpose and strength.
- Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones: A central theme is the actionable process of transforming trauma into triumph and setbacks into opportunities for growth. Shaun provides practical steps and a “resilience toolkit” to help readers process pain, set healthy boundaries, build mental fortitude, and ultimately rewrite their own stories.
Something I’m Interested In: Building the Resilience Muscle
While reading Shaun’s book, his definition of resilience truly struck a chord: “Resiliency is like a muscle. The more we exercise it, the stronger and healthier it becomes.” This analogy is incredibly powerful because, like Shaun explains, I don’t believe we use this muscle nearly enough. More and more, it seems that as a society, we are finding it increasingly difficult to bounce back from adversity. The immediate gratification of our modern world often leaves us ill-equipped to handle the inevitable setbacks and emotional blows that life delivers.
Shaun Murphy’s “Unbreakable Valor” provides a clear roadmap for building this vital muscle. He emphasizes that resilience is not merely about enduring hardship, but about actively transforming it. It’s a proactive approach to life’s challenges, designed to help us not just survive, but thrive.
Here’s how Shaun Murphy says to build resiliency, and how doing so can profoundly improve your life:
- Redefine Your Challenges: As mentioned, the first step is to shift your perspective. Instead of seeing a challenge as a burden, view it as an opportunity for growth. This mental reframing is the foundation of resilience. When you redefine a setback as fuel, you unlock its potential to propel you forward, rather than hold you back. This positive outlook helps you approach problems with a solution-oriented mindset, reducing stress and increasing your capacity to act.
- Embrace Hope, Grit, and Daily Action: Resilience isn’t a passive state; it’s a dynamic process fueled by hope for a better future, the grit to persist through difficulty, and consistent daily actions. These small, deliberate steps, taken day after day, build momentum and reinforce your capacity to overcome. By focusing on daily actions, you break down overwhelming challenges into manageable tasks, making the journey less daunting and more achievable.
- Turn Trauma into Triumph and Setbacks into Stepping Stones: Shaun teaches that difficult experiences, including trauma, can be leveraged for growth. This involves processing pain, learning from it, and consciously using those lessons to become stronger. This transformative process allows you to extract valuable insights from your hardest moments, turning what could be debilitating experiences into sources of profound personal power and wisdom.
- Utilize a “Resilience Toolkit”: Murphy provides practical strategies to help readers develop their resilience. This includes learning to process pain effectively, setting healthy boundaries to protect your energy and well-being, actively building grit through consistent effort, and nurturing lasting mental strength. These tools equip you with the practical skills needed to navigate emotional and psychological challenges, preventing them from overwhelming you.
- Cultivate Faith and Inner Power: A strong spiritual foundation and an unwavering belief in your own capabilities are presented as crucial elements for unshakable courage. This inner strength provides a deep well of fortitude to draw upon when external circumstances are challenging. Connecting with your inner power and beliefs gives you a sense of purpose and direction, even when the path ahead is unclear.
By intentionally engaging in these practices, you don’t just “bounce back” from adversity; you “bounce forward,” becoming stronger, wiser, and more capable than before. This improved capacity to handle life’s ups and downs translates into greater peace of mind, more effective problem-solving, and a deeper sense of fulfillment.
What I’m Pondering: Resilience in the Face of Trauma
As I’ve been recording episodes for my podcast, “Catching Up with Corey” (and I’m thrilled to say the second episode was published on August 26th!), I’ve had numerous conversations where guests bravely discussed traumatic events they’ve had to overcome or fight through. Listening to their stories has profoundly reinforced my belief in the absolute necessity of building resilience, especially when navigating the depths of trauma.
When we experience trauma, whether it’s a sudden loss, a significant betrayal, or prolonged hardship, it can feel as though our world has shattered. The emotional and psychological impact can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of helplessness, despair, and a profound sense of brokenness. In these moments, resilience isn’t just a desirable trait; it’s a lifeline.
Being resilient is crucial because it provides the internal framework to:
- Process and Integrate Pain: Resilience doesn’t mean ignoring or suppressing pain. Instead, it equips us to acknowledge and process traumatic experiences in a healthy way, allowing us to eventually integrate them into our life narrative without being consumed by them. It’s about finding a way to carry the experience without letting it define our entire existence.
- Maintain Hope Amidst Despair: Trauma can strip away hope, making a better future seem impossible. Resilience helps us cling to the possibility of healing and growth, even when the present feels unbearable. It’s the inner voice that whispers, “This too shall pass,” and reminds us that light can follow darkness.
- Rebuild and Re-engage with Life: After trauma, there’s often a natural inclination to withdraw. Resilience provides the courage to re-engage with the world, to rebuild shattered aspects of our lives, and to find new purpose. It’s the force that allows us to take those difficult “next steps” towards healing and recovery.
- Prevent Long-Term Negative Impacts: Without resilience, trauma can lead to prolonged mental health struggles, destructive coping mechanisms, and a diminished quality of life. By actively building resilience, we create a buffer against these long-term negative impacts, fostering post-traumatic growth.
Listening to my podcast guests share their journeys of resilience has been incredibly inspiring. Their stories are powerful testaments to the human spirit’s capacity to truly thrive after adversity.
You can listen to each conversation on my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@coreystokes5085 or here at Corey-Stokes.com
Money Tip I Recommend: You Are Not Your Mistakes
In a previous edition, I emphasized that “you’ll encounter challenges on your financial journey” and that we need to stay resilient and keep pushing forward. This month, I want to build on that by reminding you of a crucial truth: you are not your mistakes.
Inevitably, we will make mistakes on our financial journeys. Perhaps you overspent on a discretionary item, missed a bill, or made an investment decision that didn’t pan out. These moments can be disheartening, even paralyzing. But it is not the mistakes themselves that define us; it is our response after we’ve made the mistake that truly tells us who we are and shapes the outcome of our life’s work. We need to intentionally use the mistakes we make in life, as Shaun Murphy says in “Unbreakable Valor,” “as stepping stones to become stronger, and more resilient.”
Here are three tips for not letting financial mistakes keep you from succeeding:
- Reflect, Acknowledge, and Document: When you make a financial mistake, don’t bury your head in the sand. Take time to calmly reflect on what happened. Acknowledge the mistake without judgment or excessive self-blame. Then, document it. Write down exactly what occurred, what factors contributed to it, and what you could have done differently to prevent it. This objective analysis is the first step toward learning.
- Put Learnings into Practice Intentionally: Learning from a mistake isn’t just about knowing what went wrong; it’s about actively applying that knowledge. Don’t just react to the mistake; intentionally set out to move past it by implementing new strategies or adjusting your habits. If you overspent on dining out, for example, intentionally plan your meals for the next week and track your food budget more closely. This proactive approach turns a negative event into a positive catalyst for change.
- Cultivate Self-Compassion and Forward Momentum: Shaun Murphy’s journey in “Unbreakable Valor” is a powerful reminder that resilience involves self-compassion. You wouldn’t condemn a friend for a mistake; extend that same grace to yourself. Forgive yourself, learn the lesson, and then consciously shift your focus to forward momentum. Don’t dwell on the past; instead, channel your energy into the next right action. This mindset prevents a single misstep from derailing your entire financial journey, allowing you to build that “resilience muscle” and continue pushing towards your goals.
Your financial journey is a marathon, not a sprint, filled with ups and downs. Embrace your mistakes as valuable lessons, apply what you learn, and keep moving forward with an unbreakable spirit.
Let’s Talk!
What are your thoughts on building resilience? Have you read “Unbreakable Valor,” and if so, what were your key takeaways? How do you practice self-compassion when you make financial mistakes? Share your insights and experiences in the comments below – let’s keep the conversation going!
Ready to build your financial resilience and transform your challenges into stepping stones? Schedule a free coaching consultation with me today: https://calendar.app.google/oEyuikwjDLMoPxtf7
If you found this newsletter insightful, please share it with your friends and family! Let’s spread the word about building a more intentional and fulfilling life.
Resources:
- Unbreakable Valor: Triumph Through the Soul of Resilience by Shaun Murphy (Book: https://a.co/d/gd0jQ9Y)
- Catching up with Corey (Podcast – YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@coreystokes5085)
Corey Stokes 